The courts are witnessing tremendous increases in the number of allegations of sexual and physical abuse in custody cases. Psychologists have identified a phenomenon called Sexual Abuse In Divorce Syndrome (SAID), which they use to determine whether the charge is real or trumped up in contested custody contests. Some of the factors used to identify SAID include:  a bitter custody and divorce battle; no allegations of abuse during the marriage or in court proceedings; a new, serious relationship for the target parent; and a hostile relationship between the parents. If the child acts relaxed around the alleged perpetrator, volunteers information about the abuse before being asked, or uses vocabulary and phrases that are too sophisticated for their age, then it’s possible the claims are false. 

While you are unlikely to be accused of sexually abusing your child, you know your spouse could say anything if they want to play dirty. It’s possible he or she could claim you physically abused your child. Allegations of abuse frequently come up when one parent doesn’t get as much parenting time as they would like, after their ex-spouse reports the child support checks are late, or when they want sole custody. 

In today’s custody climate, normal behavior in an intact marriage may suddenly become “abusive behavior” when divorce and children are at issue. If you spank a child, it can be called “child abuse.” Permissible displays of affection, such as hugging a child, may be misconstrued or mislabeled in a bitter dispute, making the parent who is acting “incorrectly” suddenly look unfit. 

The way the system now works, anyone, a disgruntled mother or father, can pick up the telephone and call the Department of Social Services and anonymously report that he or she has heard someone is beating, neglecting, or sexually abusing a child. Neglect could mean the accuser’s ex-spouse went away for a weekend and had the children stay with a babysitter or left older children home alone for a short period. At times, it has meant the mother was fifteen minutes late to pick up the child at school and the child had to walk home. 

Remember that children are impressionable, and the difference between playing around and abuse can become blurred. A child may want to please the parent who is claiming the abuse. Young children have been known to say that the other parent hit or punched them in the stomach when the adult was merely playing or horsing around. 

Divorcing spouses must also be careful about any new romantic interest that they bring into the house. They must be told how to behave around the children because their conduct, innocent though it may be, could prompt an ex-spouse to claim your new partner acted improperly toward the children or that the two of you exposed them to immoral or violent conduct. 

Both men and women, when in a heated custody battle, hurl abuse charges when they are not merited. If you or your new spouse make these claims just to harm the other parent’s reputation, to get your ex-spouse out of the marital home, or to win a custody battle, it will backfire and could cause you to lose custody. More importantly, your children will suffer. 

If allegations are made about abuse, you are likely to be in a situation where it is your word against somebody else’s. You should immediately take your child to the pediatrician. Consider getting them counseling with a therapist familiar with custody issues who can provide independent, objective documentation on whether abuse is happening. 

Once the allegations are proven false, the spouse who started the false allegations will be at a legal disadvantage. What judge will think your spouse has their child’s best interests at heart if they have concocted these charges?   

No matter what stage you are at in the divorce process, the lawyers at The Massachusetts Family Law Group have earned the reputation as zealous advocates for their clients’ legal matters. 

In our Plymouth office, we cover all the towns and cities in Plymouth, Bristol, Barnstable, Dukes and Nantucket counties and gladly offer no-obligation consultations to those seeking legal representation.  Contact us to set-up an appointment. 

We’ve reviewed, represented or even litigated family law matters in Hingham, Plymouth, Brockton, Scituate, Easton, New Bedford, Barnstable Hyannis, Falmouth, Orleans and even Martha’s Vineyard and Nantucket.  Call (800) 910-DIVORCE or contact us today.