Divorce doesn’t have to be unnecessarily stressful.  If you know that you are headed toward divorce, there are steps you can take right now to help put you on solid footing for the entire process.  By preparing for divorce before it actually happens, you can reduce much of the stress and conflict that many people face when they rush the divorce process. One suggestion I have heard that makes a lot of sense: approach your divorce like it is a business.  Below are some things to think about as you begin to prepare for a divorce:

1.  Get ALL of the necessary documentation in order.  Divorce requires a lot of information and gathering all of it just after you have been served can be overwhelming.  Use a document checklist to help you figure out what you need in advance and then get to work gathering that information.  A few of the documents you will need to get started: a record of names, account numbers, addresses, phone numbers and e-mail addresses for all persons or companies involved with your assets and debts. Don’t forget bank accounts, credit cards, loans and applications, stocks and bonds, mortgages and title information. If you can easily access them, it is helpful to have tax returns for the last three years.

2.  Understand the money matters in your household.  Once you gather the paperwork, begin determining the net worth of your marital estate. The marital estate is everything that was acquired during your marriage. Net worth is the total of all your debts subtracted from the total value of the assets. 

One thing I always recommend to my clients is to have them start keeping an informal budget of the income and expenses. This will help provide documentation for determining the amount of support you’ll either be awarded or required to pay.

3.  Be prepared to provide for yourself.  Now isn’t the time to quit your job.  Divorces are tough on finances.  Think about you: if your spouse works as well as you, you have become accustomed a two income lifestyle.  Divorce is going to mean that you have to learn to get by on one.

If you aren’t working, you may want to begin drafting a resume. Even if you consider going back to school, recognize that taking care of yourself is key – especially with a divorce action on the way.

5.  Seek legal advice.  You wouldn’t operate on yourself if you required surgery so don’t consider trying to go through the divorce process by yourself, either.  Consult with a divorce lawyer or family law attorney during the preparation stage.  Actually, I recommend you talk to a few; it doesn’t hurt to get a second (or third) opinion.  Knowing what your options are will be another huge step in helping you feel prepared.

6.  Document your valuables.  Some times in a divorce valuables go missing.  I believe it is a good idea to take pictures or even videotape your prized and most valuable possessions if you have any concerns.  Then, if something does go missing you have proof that it did exist.  Sometimes I recommend that my clients get a safety deposit box to store valuable documents and jewelry.

9.  Don’t rock the boat. Once you decide to divorce, moving out of the home may be a tempting thing to add to your checklist.  Be patient.  Wait until you speak with an attorney and have more information.  Moving out hastily may have ramifications relating to child custody issues. Also, while it may be tempting, hold off on dating until your progress through the court process. While it is true that the judges may not care, it only makes your spouse less cooperative during the process.

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