Information to Bring Your Attorney 

Either during your initial consultation or at the first meeting with your new attorney, make sure you bring the following documents and information for the chief advocate of your divorce team. You’ll make his or her job easier in their ongoing pursuit of getting you the justice and resolution you deserve: 

• Name, address and phone number of both parties
• Business addresses and phone numbers
• Web site addresses of past, current and/or proposed business ventures
• Dates of birth of both parties
• Names and dates of birth children
• Prior marriages of each party and details of termination
• Docket numbers of any past divorce actions
• Children of prior marriages and custodial arrangements
• Date and place of marriage
• Length of time you have lived in Massachusetts
• Name and address of any lawyer representing your spouse in any past actions
• Existence of any prenuptial agreements
• Grounds for divorce, if any
• Objectives of each party
• Date of separation
• Current employment and income of both parties
• Education and degrees of each party
• Job history and income potential of each party
• Employee benefits of each party
• Retirement accounts and pension plans for each party
• Joint assets of the parties
• Liabilities or debt of each party
• Incidents of domestic abuse or any restraining orders
• Children’s school work and report cards
• Pictures and art projects of the children which show family relationships
• Any tangible, documentable evidence of marital conduct

Once you and your spouse separate, you enter uncharted territory in parenting your children. How will your children be parented in the future? What will each parent’s role and responsibilities be? How will important decisions be made? When will children be with each of you? 

Some parents find they can negotiate parenting roles and responsibilities as the need arises. Some find them to be ongoing sources of uncertainty. Others find them to be the arena in which ongoing conflict and power struggles are played out. Some primary parents find themselves overburdened, while some non-custodial parents feel disengaged. 

Developing a Parenting Plan early-on will provide you with a blueprint for your future as co-parents. Spending the past 15 years as a divorced parent himself, Attorney Irwin M. Pollack advises parents this blueprint can be as detailed or as loose as you wish and depends on your relationship with your former spouse. The greater the detail, the greater the likelihood that everyone will have the same expectations and that co-parenting will follow a predictable and smooth course. 

Nuts and Bolts of a Parenting Plan 

Here is the outline you may begin with as you shape your rights and responsibilities:
 

Decision-Making

• Education
• Religion Issues
• Child Care Provider and Babysitters
• Counseling
• Extra-Curricular Activities
• Teenage Issues
• Designation of Legal Custody

The Parenting Schedule

• Week-to-Week Schedule
• Holiday/Vacation Schedule
• Birthdays (Shared Time, Parties, Gifts, Invitations, Rules Relating to)
• Changes in the Schedule
• First Option (Right of First Refusal) to Parent
• Designation of Physical Custody

Exchanges of Children

• Rules for Transition

School

• Decision-making – Public vs. Private
• Special Education & Gifted Programs
• Parent-Teacher Conferences
• After-School Activities

Medical Issues

• Which Doctor (pediatrician, dentist, therapist)?
• Medical Emergencies
• Elective Procedures

Transportation

Communication

• Child Support
• Extra-Curricular Expenses
• Summer Camp
• Health Insurance – Policies, Coverage, Co-Pays and Uninsured Expenses
• Dental Expenses
• Life Insurance and Beneficiary issues
• Child Dependency Credits
• School Costs
• Planning for College

Moving

• Agreed-upon Distance for Moving
• Notice Requirements

Ground Rules

• Parental Autonomy
• Children’s Activities – Sign-Ups
• No Disparaging Comments Clause
• No Divorce-Related Discussions Clause
• Significant Others Clause
• Overnight Visitors in Children’s Presence Clause

Miscellaneous

• Shared Routines and Expectations for Children
• Sickness
• Children’s Belongings
• Clothing
• Extended Family
• Parenting Skills
• Future Disputes
• Reevaluation of the Plan

Specificity is Key!

While the sample paragraphs below are just examples, their purpose is to illustrate the importance of specificity. Child-related issues and disagreements fill the court’s calendar with post-divorce Complaints for Modification and contempt. If you lay out your expectations up front, you’ll save lots of aggravation later on. 

What follows are four examples of paragraphs you may want to include in your Parenting Plan. Most would agree that their degree of specificity prevents problems of interpretation or vagueness later:

Joint Custody:  Each parent shall confer with each other and consider the other’s opinion on all important matters pertaining to the minor child’s health, welfare, education, religious training, extracurricular activities and upbringing including, but not limited to choice of day care providers, pre-schools, public, private or religious schools, course curriculum, tutoring, lessons, athletics, choice of camps, travel away from home, full or part-time employment, purchase or operation of a motor vehicle, and the like, with the view to arriving at a harmonious policy to promote the minor child’s best interests. Each parent shall have authority to inspect the child’s school, financial, legal and medical records and to confer with physicians, teachers, school personnel, counselors and psychologists regarding the minor child. Additionally, each parent shall provide to the other ample prior notice of all conferences with the child’s teachers, school personnel, counselors, psychologists and physicians regarding the minor child. Each party shall have the right to participate in all school and extracurricular events and activities of the minor child which are open to parents, including, but not limited to sports, scouts, camp, music and arts, and the like, and each parent shall provide the other reasonable notice of same. The parents shall cooperate with each other in notifying the school or activity authorities in which the minor child is enrolled, to list both parties as the father and mother of the minor child and further authorizing them to release any and all information, documents, records, reports, awards, grades, evaluations and bulletins to both parents regarding the minor child.

No Disparaging Comments:  Neither parent shall make derogatory statements, ridicule, defame, or belittle the other, or the other’s family and friends in the presence of the minor child or in any other way seek to undermine the minor child’s love and respect for the other parent. The parents shall also advise their respective family members to refrain from making any similar remarks intended to embarrass the child, other parent or other parent’s family and friends.

First Right of Refusal Parenting Right:  Each parent has the right of first refusal to care for the minor child when the other is unavailable for a period longer than six hours resulting from employment, personal, social or travel commitments. 

Scheduling Conflicts:  The parents shall always use their best efforts to resolve any scheduling conflicts that may arise as to avoid any inconvenience or interference to the other parent. Each parent shall exercise common courtesy and consideration in promptly advising the other parent when said parent is unable to provide care to the minor child or will be unavoidably detained or delayed in picking up or returning the minor child at the scheduled time. Each parent shall provide the other the specific pick-up and return times as closely as can be approximated and shall make every effort to adhere to said specific times. However, for the convenience of the parents and minor child, the parents shall remain flexible concerning these specific times.